Waiting....

Missing you....!

Not that I am in love... I've kept waiting for someone to call me for some important topics.

Called him many times, left voice message a few times, talked to his secretary more than 5 times today...

Waited, waited.... and waited....

And why is it that,

every time I leave my desk to fetch a cup of coffee, every time I am call with someone else,

you call me?!

Keep missing you... and I can't go home without talking to you!

Please call me... (sounds like I'm in love hehe!)


And.... I still don't like the phone!!

Because this is how I stand

Phone never finds its way easy for me...
It really is useful and indispensable for work and life. But I just don't like it... It's not a matter of languages - my degree of hesitance is almost exactly the same when I talk in Japanese, English, French and maybe in Chinese even...!

For work, I usually try to minimize calls. But then, even I do try to avoid, I would say for a little less than 40% of my working time, I am engaged with phone calls... people call me from any locations, I do have to call people, and I need to attend/hold conference calls day & night. Maybe it's just the way it is and I really need to bear with it for work purposes, I guess.

In my personal life, I also try to minimize any calls. I don't like when people call me on my cell phone for any non-urgent matters.

I'm not sure from when people start to phone you so innocently and casually just any time. I observe people around me very much depending on their cell phone - they almost seem to be obsessed that they cannot keep away from phone for a second. Even being 2 minutes apart from the phone, they start to worry if anyone might have called you during your absence (of 2 min!). And, why do you pick up your phone anytime & anywhere? Maybe it's really related to an urgent thing, and you wouldn't know until you actually pick up your phone. But why is it that people would almost expect the counterpart to answer 24 hours a day??

Similarly I don't like an answering machine telling me that someone called me and wanted me to return a call. I think it makes no sense to leave "pls call me when you are back" type of messages without stating any objective or topic of the call, unless it's super-super urgent. Again, I feel like people expect me to answer 24 hours/7 days, that really annoys me...

To my bad... I don't even like talking to friends on the phone. When anyone calls me, I can answer and talk just normally, of course. But I never call friends from my end unless there is an absolute need for it. It really is something amazing to me when people pick up phone and call you just because they want to have a chat etc or to catch up. To me, it can only happen with lovers and family..... I do like my friends, but no call! How do I keep in touch with people? Well, I prefer seeing people in person, rather than having phone conversation アップ Email/letter is another better way of communication to me... as that way I can control how to proportionate my time & energy spending.

And yes, I do recall I used to want to call someone I really liked for almost no reasons. For that I used to make up 'reasons' to call him - something like... the moon is really brilliant tonight, found music that reminds of him etc... absolutely no urgent matters. So, I understand how this happens.... but such area of extra reach should be quite limited for all, shouldn't be?!

I do admit that I like when I talk to my family, and for that I do call them from my end.
That's the only occasion where I see myself quite happy dialing the numbers.

Otherwise, I call anyone solely because I have to.
So, don't think I don't like you just because I don't call you. It's just I don't like phone - that's all!

I figure... the bottom line is that I simply don't like anyone to control my time and resource. I'm now pretty much concerned that I would never get a partner who would understand my need of proper distance from certain things. I think this is one of my weak points - at the same time this is a part of my strong point that I make myself stood up without being influenced by the surrounding. I can do things that I believe I need at my own pace - again, this can be another point to make... that to guys I don't seem to need any help/support, which makes me look really like a macho woman. In reality it's not true at all! There are a lot of things that I would like someone to rely on... someone to support me... and someone to tease me!

And I know that this can change when I have someone I like and I want him to see me 24 hrs... who knows what happens ！！

Pure intention vs Gratitude

A few nights back, one of my friends suddenly called me. Basically he wanted to have his CDs back which I had been borrowing from him for more than 1 year...


No wonder he sounded a bit rush... it was a Christmas featuring CD. Understand if he misses this timing, he'd have to wait another year to actually play that to enjlyあせる


I felt bad for him, and I actually rescheduled my dinner appointment with some other friends... and... deligently presented at the place he specified on time! This is the shop that our mutual friends run.


He was delayed for around 30minutes.... taking sme of his friends along when he showed up at the shop.


He picked up the CDs, chatted with our friends..... and left. He hardly spoke to me.


Well... it was probably me triggering this in the first place, and it's good that his primary objective of retrieving back his loving Kenny G CD back. But shouldn't there be any show of appreciation or something...！？ There wasn't even a simple word of "thanks."


Our friends were pretty much surprized that he was soooo plainドンッ Meaning.... they thought the CD was just an opportunity for us to meet up. To be honest, I initially thought we might go for a drink after that (even though we hadn't planned for it - that's normally the case with us). It was a few weeks back we actually chatted we should catch up sometime before mid-December.


I am not looking for any sort of romantic situation towards him.... but I'm personally so convinced that he is not the one.... never and ever爆弾 Probably he was rushing off as his friends were waiting there onsite. Yet, I'm disappointed with that kind of behavior in general. I even had to manage my schedule in the last munute for him...


In addition.... the side story is.... I just remember that he also keeps some of my CDs that I have passed onto him about an year ago.


Now, should I be upset? Maybe so...パンチ！


To remember... never forget to say *thanks* for anything you receive and anything you feel appreciateion for. Small details don't really matter - the simple word makes a big difference, I believe.




Kids Day

It was a whole day of running and laughing in the office, myself being almost a dedicated baby sitter for some nearly 20 kids surrounding me!
Obviously the normal business activities were really slowing down, which I actually felt thankful for a bit チョキ
I liked when all the tension was temporarily released with all smiles and crying.

It was actually quite impressive that we had so many kids' presence in this time of the year, where quite a number of people are actually on leave.
Some got 2 or 3 kids - that easily inflate the number of the temporary office population indeed....

The 'bring your kids to work Day' is really something that make you smile, energized..... yet tired!
If I were one of those kids, I might have just ended up possessing wrong impression of parents having fun at work everyday with balloons and nice sweets though...

At the end of the day, I really questioned myself why I wouldn't have my own kids!

...and subsequently realized I haven't even started the due course of having kids in the first place ダウン

Wrong thoughts!

Stress before holidays...

I believed it was over...

No... it was not... the nightmare definitely comes back.


Every morning, my heart beats very fast when I open up my email inbox. It is not surprising anymore that I receive so many stressful & scary emails every day, but this morning I see something quite more stressful than ever!


It is always related to one subject - 2008 budget, and finally this appears to be reaching to the very high end of the reporting line of one particular business... I was included in the loop of the communication coming down directly from the head of the business... my gosh. Not sure how that's been really escalated to that level and that I am being cc'ed!


If I look at this from the different perspective, it might be actually better that I get all my reporting managers & senior management's support to tackle the issue, rather than envisaging myself directly to these 'monstrous' folks in the region...


Here is one thing I always think about...


These people like to escalate any issues to higher level so quickly. Maybe I can escalate their behavior to our management too!

Sometimes it is lacking efficiency when the talks/discussion of such issues are not really grounded at the regional level.

Anyhow, even this sort of thing is brought up to the global management's attention, it is often the case that these questions eventually come back to me, possessing all regional numbers and data.


I really don't like when people are demanding and not appreciating anything I do for them.

There was one time I worked until 11pm only to complete their requests (which they claimed to be super urgent!) to furnish information by end of the day itself.


It didn't happen just once, but many times - even I reply back to them diligently, usually I do not receive any favorable feedback. Well it doesn't have to be favorable, but basically zero feedback is received.


I am not even sure if they actually look at the information provided. I see the same questions posed to the senior management, which I have already provided some information for!

Maybe they are not convinced by my comments explaining the figures, but I definitely feel terrible about this type of treatment.


Is this how the work is supposed to be? This is bad as I start to feel like I am not willing to provide them with data so promptly.


I would like to be as reasonable as possible, as helpful as possible and as professional as possible. If there is anyone who destruct my motivation, that's realy a sad thing!